Calling All Emotional Eaters!
Calling All Emotional Eaters!
You’ve barely slept, worrying about a project at work with a looming deadline. You want to date, but it’s hard enough to find the confidence….and now you can’t zip your favorite jeans. Your mother is driving you nuts, giving you unsolicited advice, as if she’s your life coach. What’s a girl to do? Enter Nabisco and the double stuffed Oreo.
Sigh… Let’s talk about emotional eating!
In my practice, the path to weight loss is more complex for those who struggle with emotional eating. I have been down the path of emotional eating myself! It’s a very human way to manage emotions. You might feel stressed, and turn to Oreos... feel unappreciated, and turn to chips & salsa... feel insecure, and turn to pizza… feel unloveable, and turn to McDonalds. If that feels familiar, you’re my people, the people I’m talking to today.
Emotional eating is a learned coping technique to which most of us are introduced in childhood. We are trained in emotional eating because we have learned over and over again that we get a burst of relief (dopamine!) when we eat certain highly palatable foods. Emotional eating is not your fault. But at the same time, it’s not your destiny.
Whether you use social media, shopping, wine, or food, in an attempt to neutralize your emotions, you’ll feel a little burst of pleasure initially, and maybe some relief. That’s what reinforces the habit. But just as we learned to use food to give our brains a little hit of dopamine to feel good, we can retrain our brains not to self soothe with food.
How do we turn around emotional eating?
Recognizing the pattern is a strong first step. You can use a technique called “point and call,” which basically means you point out what you see, and call it like it is. “I’m getting out a wine glass because I’m bored, and boredom feels uncomfortable.” “I’m eating this cupcake because I’m freaking out that I won’t get a new job before I run out of savings.” Call yourself out on the thought or the feeling that’s driving the action of overeating. Then get curious and ask yourself some questions.
How often do I use food to self soothe?
Is there a pattern to when I’m using food to manage my emotions?
When emotions are high, what are the foods I tend to eat?
What am I choosing to think, and how is that thought driving the feelings that lead to eating?
Could I choose a different thought?
What would happen if I sat here and felt that emotion without acting on it?
Could I feel fear or worry without eating?
Does the urge to eat pass, if I make it through 20 minutes without acting on the urge?
What would I have to believe in order to sit with my emotions this time, without eating?
How many times do I need to sit with my feelings before it gets easier?
Can I practice doing that today and take it one day at a time?
It isn’t easy to sit with emotions if you’re used to neutralizing them with food. That hit of dopamine feels good. Briefly. But with practice, you can do it. Mantras help. Try out one of these:
“I’m practicing being a person who only has wine on the weekends.”
“I’m practicing sitting with my feelings, without using food as a buffer.”
“Sometimes I feel a strong emotion and don’t even think about having something sweet.”
“I’m showing up for myself.”
“I’m modeling healthy behavior for those around me.”
“I am allowing myself to be human and to feel my emotions without buffering with food.”
With practice, it gets easier...I am humbled by the effort it sometimes takes to manage an urge for sweets or a glass of wine. It’s gotten so much easier for me over the years, but I’ll never be immune to the lure of cupcakes! I have so much compassion for all of my clients who have this same struggle with emotional eating. I respect everyone out there trying, and practicing, and loving themselves, even when they aren’t perfect.
This is the work. There’s so much more to it, but this is a good place to start. Recognize your emotions. Be curious about your thoughts. Believe in yourself, and take it one step at a time. Be kind when you are human and don’t get it right. Reset every time you fall down. It’s okay. Even Olympic athletes fall down. Even doctors fall down. All human beings fall down at times. Be the one that picks herself up and tries again. I believe in you!
Thanks for listening. I wish you the best of health!
Lisa
